while waiting for the train ...

I descend on the escalator to platform 2, my school bag hung on my shoulder while i struggled to hold on to my green bag filled with groceries. The platform was rather crowded with school kids and mothers with their prams. Tired and wrecked from the 40 minute bus ride i just wanted to be left alone, i walked deeper into the platform.

I rest my green bag on a vandalized bench while i stood waiting because someone spilled water on the rest of the bench, i could see the cup lying sideways on the floor. As i settled down i began to notice the people around me.

Looking around, i saw several groups of school kids that you would label as naughty rebels. They had bright neon colored hair, several piercings and baggy shirts with bold statements. In front of me 7 pigeons were bopping their heads while walking, i found it rather funny. I soon found out that they were busy pecking on a McDonalds nugget to death which was thrown by a fat man holding a bottle of beer, he looked bored.

A skinny late 30's man with worn out clothes and aviator glasses appears and sits at the bench behind mine. He opens a bottle of unknown substance that looked so familiar to me and proceeds to drink it. I looked closer ... and it was that chinese herbal cough syrup thing. I guess he's an addict either that or he has a cough, yea right =-=. What's funny is that he was drinking that cough syrup next to a rebel that was drinking a carton of chocolate milk o_o.

Bored, i opened my packet of wasabi peas that i just bought and continued my people watching. I continued to stare at the pigeons and started to wonder if their blood stream could handle that much cholestrol from that McDonalds nugget. Like their blood stream and little tiny heart can't possibly handle that. They might probably die later of a heart attack. Bored... with 3 minutes left of waiting, i noticed that i was surrounded by angmohs, and there was only me and another chinese kid.

In a span of 30seconds, a stall nearby was deep frying food and all the oil smoke?fumes?~ started to fill the air, the fat man that was feeding the pigeons decided to have a smoke. SUDDENLY, my eyesight was blurry and smokey(from oil fumes and 2nd hand smoke) =_=. SUDDENLY, i started to cough terribly and tear as the wasabi flared through my nasal pasageway. As i tried to get myself back in order, trains from both direction arrived as scheduled and the rebels, addict, fat man and me entered the train.

moodswing: random?

i'm so having pms. I usually get moodswings of being overtly happy, moody or sad ... you know the norm =-=. But this time i think i got random?.

I had a spontaneuos and random outing last monday. full of last minute decisions.

i even thought of this while walking home today:

"roses are red, my toenails are blue.
who says i love u?, my nose hairs do." (*laughs alone)

I suddenly realised how seldom i see people's arms here. As in their bare arms with pale looking epidermis-ses because we always hide them underneath layers to keep overselves warm. o-o.

I eat wasabi peas to hopefully feel warmer but i end up burning my tounge and firing my nose.

Trains and trams are cool, however busses are not. =_=

I think the term "friendship day" sounds so corny ;D. ahahaha. frienship dae... brings tears to my eyes.

I feel the world is eating itself up. we are destined to corrupt. Like what Batman said, "you either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain". i don't make sense right? i know.

*you can skip this part*
I feel my ass got bigger. I'm so bloated now ... i feel my uterus expanding the hell out of me=-=. mamaaaa... @@ ugh=-=

Most serial killers murderers have the most simple minds. When they hate someone and say they want to kill them. They just kill. What they say they do and think its not wrong, that's the freaky part.



*i hope yang's mom gets better soon. =)

My fan

Let me introduce you to my first fan.
I spent like 40 minutes drawing this stupid fan on illustrator CS3.
40 minutes can, how noob can i be =-=. My excuse is that i was trying different styles to suit my theme.

Nippon theme ;D.
if you can >< see i drew 4 inverted rising suns. based on the japanese flag.

The fan is only a small part of my mandala.
I have to draw three -_-.


erm okay. currently its crap. still brainstorming. actually no, i'm having a what you call ... creativity block? o-o, that's why i'm here blogging right now.

What's funny is that, i know that i am dirty when doing work in real life, but i didn't know i could be so virtually messy as well. okay it's not funny after all.


another one that i did.
look at the blue thing at the bottom, that's my lousy attempt at drawing a cloud=-=. i gave up soon after.


The first picture i loved was the fan's~ and in this picture i love the fishes, and among the small fishes there's a big fish.


on a totally random note, i just got this book hopefully it will arrive this friday =D. Based on the true crime story on the theft of the $72 million masterpiece by Edvard Munch, 'the scream'.


;D lol.

15 pieces of pan fried pork dumplings, ma po tofu?, mandarin porkchop, shanghai fried noodles(i love).

This past two days =0=, have been over indulging. Full to the brim -_-, until you just want to overflow. Have to stop this. stopped.

Saturday was a full day as well.
Don't know what to comment about the mamma mia! movie. Corny, spontaneous, nostalgic, funny, hot old men, hyper-activer old ladies? and many sing-along moments!.

memo: greenbag, sars, train full of angmoh, oats&milk, constipated, cold 10, shisha, dubai.

Breeze

breeze

Moments when i feel like running away from this abundant city i crank up the volume while listening to japanese electronic pop. Deafening as it may seem, i feel more safe this way :\. I am confused, depressed from what? i can't even think of a diverging excuse.

I dream of releasing a loud roar of pain, confusion and frustration where i stand overlooking the city skyline with a couple of friends who feel the same way. Struggling to know who i am, well i don't know
... the perks of being a youth. hah.

Sometimes i try to suppress those feelings by immersing myself in alcohol, loudmusic, bodies touching and even the thought of having a fag. To fly away as one of my friend calls it.

Taiping, is where i grew up. A small town with not much to brag about besides our pride and joy the tulip growing Maxwell Hill, once tin mining Lake Gardens along with few other firsts. Still i think about it all the time, i guess it's because 17 years of my life was spent there.

Those 17 years were just memories of what was. I never felt like i belonged there. Eventhough i mixed around, i often feel alienated by the way we might look at something or had interest over. Like a love that was not meant to be.
But the comfort of familiar surroundings prompts me to think about it, well off course its my home.

When meeting new people, the famed introductory question, Where are you from? is often heard. I am not malu because i come from this little town located at a foothill. I'm darn proud of it actually to be a towngirl to represent Taiping, not many can say that. But often the conversation goes like this

I say, "Malaysia"
friend says, "Oh kl?"
"Nah, i'm a smalltown girl.. at perak, know?"
"Perak ... hm i know ipoh"
"yaya, smaller and one hour away from ipoh"
"oo.."
(it gets worser trying to explain it to an international friend)

I would be abit ticked after that, knowing that their perception would have changed slightly. Taiping does not represent me, i don't know me, i don't know where i belong(yet) ... i just don't know.

Today i was down, i texted my friend "When i need you and your fags you're back home =(".

There are times when i'm pushed into situations like for example when i'm back at malaysia, i get called as being one of 'them' or 'aussified' since i am destined to live here. So we're different, real fact is we are already different the moment i met you.

Some goes to me, when i am here. You don't expect me to announce that OH, I feel so Australian around Australian citizens?. When i was at Tasmania, i found myself saying how Melbournes transport, water system and etc was better than theirs as if it were my home.
The feeling of not belonging anywhere. super.

There's so much more than studying and graduating. So much more.
I'm determined to find out what and where i am supposed to be.

Info for all

*Lala in china means Lesbian =D.

les+ or 'les jia' or 'les family' is a free magazine for off course lesbians.
It costs like USD1000+ permonth for them to print and distribute.

Wonder wher they get their funds from.

Now i will give out a quiet laugh whenever someone says, "Oh my god, she dresses so lala".
HAHA.
why?.
nothing~
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*I sort of support TIBET now.

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*Geoengineering. the new light in combating global warming!.

Shooting rockets filled with sulphur oxide into the clouds(most prob the mesosphere) where it then creates rain. so cool.... it absorbs and also reflects light back to space. They learnt this from nature itself when Mt.Pinatubo(2nd largest eruption if im not wrong) blew.

The force was so massive that it blew its 500metre peak off and shot sulphur oxide 20+miles into the stratospere. It rained after that, acid rain off course ... but shockingly it lowered temperatures by half a celcius.

The last time the US tried to experiment with this LONG TIME AGO, they were forced to stop because people were saying that they were planning to manipulate the weather as a war strategy to win the Vietnam war =_=.

ability to control/manipulate the weather if this is not cool i don't know what is.
yes im boring you.
i'll stop now.

God?

You know those moments when you think god is trying to speak to you through signs, bilboards and shit. I think pei hwa tried to speak to me. LOL.

was walking round the kitchen looking for food and talking on the phone and suddenly i noticed phwa (thats how i spell her name).

Koreana BBQ

New Koreana BBQ restaurant.

The 'new' is seriously part of their shop's name o-o.
Was quite good, the best was their bugolgi.
Had the beef bulgogi, pork belly and spicy pork. oo also recommended their seafood pancakes which i thought the batter tasted abit like fried nangka.
Only reason we decided to go there was when i went to ikea with ...


zoey


and jessica which i haven't seen for quite some time.

saw the shop while on the tram. Googled 'Koreana' and 'richmond' and found out it had some good reviews. And it did live up to the expectations that we had about it.
You know what's shocking is that she bbq-ed the food for us.
Maybe im just being 'sakai' but lol she just stood there flipping our meat for us, sometimes there was akward silence cause we would be staring at her flipping the meat.

I then said, "omg, this must be so pressureing to cook in front of people".
and i tried to ask her, "So ... ahaa you do this to every other customer as well? like cook for every table?".
she didn't understand what i said -_-, she was too korean.
then i repeated the question again but now with added hand gestures and she said yes, yes!.
can you imagine if the whole shop was full.

Recently, have a few things to complain about.

One is that, i don't expect people to be whoever they are. Like my mom for example, i don't look at her as the mother figure the majority of us see. I see her as just a person that got me my meals, my attractive toys and taught me some life skills when i lived with her. I guess no connection or other people say lack of it.

Why?, because ... just because. lets leave it that way.

Sometimes i wonder, how she had given birth to me. I guess she knew it too when people use to say how gessie and I don't look much like my parents. So what i am trying to say is that, blah.. i wish blogger could private posts, all i just want is to get it out of my mind. Its hard for people to understand and also they give bad responses =_= that might just worsen my state.

I don't know how to relieve myself at situations like this. I'm not 'emo-ey', im more like 'emo-ing', like how normal teens should be. Those 'emo' people that annoy other people are those on drugs or have too much girly hormones.

Second, is that i miss home -abit. Don't get me wrong i love being back. But i thought hmm -_- being home equals being busy and being busy is not exactly fun when i just want to relax. Off course, i can don't do anything and easily achieve that.

Still, its my brain that i wish i could control or program it like Java ;D. Anyway, i will have this urge to fill up all my time with activities which might include picking up gessie, going out for yam-chas and to accompany my parents. I guess its more like picking up the stuff i left behind and when i leave i throw it all on the ground again (which sucks). Also, i have to plan out everything like trips and when i am at KL for example i also plan all my activities. I mean i don't want that.

I don't want that feeling =_=. It sucks. I don't want a so called 'planned-relaxing day', instead its more stressful for me. When i'm back i feel like there's this GINORMOUS clock in my head counting down the moment i set foot on malaysian grounds and this clock is a digital clock with its seconds constantly changing. This is what keeps me up at night when i'm back, not wanting to waste every minute by sleeping.
I suck =-=, no my brain sucks.

if only there's someone who can understand what i mean or someone i could relate to. Actualy, im longing for that moment.


someones definitely going to complain that i wrote a bloody essay* again. lol. muaha.

*i'm not one for words which is why this can be considered quite alot.

Big vending machine

tzup and funny expression

i think its sorta big o-o and weird. Saw it a richmond with tzup and fui han. damn long didn't see each other already. happy ;D

got an external hard drive today.
u know, i saw one that is USB 2.0 (boo), firewire (yay) and is eSATA .. but 1TB bah =-=.
too much.