Recently, have a few things to complain about.

One is that, i don't expect people to be whoever they are. Like my mom for example, i don't look at her as the mother figure the majority of us see. I see her as just a person that got me my meals, my attractive toys and taught me some life skills when i lived with her. I guess no connection or other people say lack of it.

Why?, because ... just because. lets leave it that way.

Sometimes i wonder, how she had given birth to me. I guess she knew it too when people use to say how gessie and I don't look much like my parents. So what i am trying to say is that, blah.. i wish blogger could private posts, all i just want is to get it out of my mind. Its hard for people to understand and also they give bad responses =_= that might just worsen my state.

I don't know how to relieve myself at situations like this. I'm not 'emo-ey', im more like 'emo-ing', like how normal teens should be. Those 'emo' people that annoy other people are those on drugs or have too much girly hormones.

Second, is that i miss home -abit. Don't get me wrong i love being back. But i thought hmm -_- being home equals being busy and being busy is not exactly fun when i just want to relax. Off course, i can don't do anything and easily achieve that.

Still, its my brain that i wish i could control or program it like Java ;D. Anyway, i will have this urge to fill up all my time with activities which might include picking up gessie, going out for yam-chas and to accompany my parents. I guess its more like picking up the stuff i left behind and when i leave i throw it all on the ground again (which sucks). Also, i have to plan out everything like trips and when i am at KL for example i also plan all my activities. I mean i don't want that.

I don't want that feeling =_=. It sucks. I don't want a so called 'planned-relaxing day', instead its more stressful for me. When i'm back i feel like there's this GINORMOUS clock in my head counting down the moment i set foot on malaysian grounds and this clock is a digital clock with its seconds constantly changing. This is what keeps me up at night when i'm back, not wanting to waste every minute by sleeping.
I suck =-=, no my brain sucks.

if only there's someone who can understand what i mean or someone i could relate to. Actualy, im longing for that moment.


someones definitely going to complain that i wrote a bloody essay* again. lol. muaha.

*i'm not one for words which is why this can be considered quite alot.